I’m going to cut a LOT of the contextual information out to keep this relatively short. I have always been in a rural town, and I have been a lifelong atheist( I mean I tried praying like 2-3 times a year so I guess agnostic is better term) , I NEVER connected to any religion I have been exposed to due to me being Gay and feeling essentially(and being TOLD by plenty of religious people) that my existence as a gay man earns me eternal hell and pain. That is, until I found Judaism about a year ago. Something made sense about it to me. I never felt more connected to a culture, religion, an identity. I can’t explain it.
I understand Judaism has a issue with the LGBT as well. I understand BEING gay is not a problem but acting on it is. I can’t promise to live alone my entire life, or lie and ruin a woman’s life and be with her in a lie and yet I want to be Jewish.
I want to dress modest, wear tefillin and tzitzit, follow the commandments given, I gave up pork and meat&cheese combination months ago, I want to be as frum as possible for me; essentially I want to embrace Judaism and it’s culture (currently learning Hebrew too). I feel connected to HaShem this way and the people in a way I’ve never.
The ONLY place around my to manage my conversion or even visit a Shul is a Conservative Shul. I want to convert Orthodox or Modern Orthodox, but due to my LGBT issue I doubt I’d find someone orthodox willing to go through the process with someone not willing to avoid LGBT things let alone in my area. I also do wish my conversion to count for a minyan and the like.
Question: Should I convert conservative if my option is nothing or that? I feel like I wouldn’t be welcomed in the “total frum” style at a conservative shul, compared to at say an Orthodox one especially as a convert. I also feel I’d be not as welcomed or seem weird not only because I converted but I converted conservative, especially since I wouldn’t match the “style” or “feeling” of the local Shul culture.
I’d love thoughts or information on this subject, anything helps.