I feel stuck and embarassed.

I’ve never been particularly observant. As a kid i loved the studying and the history, but to be honest I’ve considered myself atheist for most of my adult life.

Ive been working a great job for 14 years and im not in a position to leave, but the rotating shifts require friday nights and some Saturdays. It wasnt ever really an issue because i just sort of wrote off shabbos as a mandated weekend; make sure you leave time for family and dont make work an idol, yknow?

But now i feel stuck. I feel like a shitty representative. I feel like even though i want to start being more observant (especially with how many vocally pro-hamas coworkers i have), all I’m going to do is make everyone look bad. “Oh, arent you Jewish? I didnt think you guys worked on ThE SaBbAtH”.

What would you do? I cant just quit my career and tell my wife and kids our lives are going to flip upside down because i suddenly want to wear my kippah, but at the same time isnt it chillul hashem to work friday night while outwardly and proudly representing Jews?

Im sorry if this is stupid. Like i said, its been decades.

I guess i just needed to vent.