I feel like hashem is messing my life up.

I’m supposed to leave for beis medrash tomorrow (equivalent to 12th grade) away from home and I’m so freaking scared and I feel like I can’t go and I really don’t know what to do and why this has to happen to me and why I have to feel like this and have crazy anxiety and feel like I won’t be able to go. And all my other friends going are so chill and I’m having to make whole freaking strategy with a therapist to just be able to go on the bus! I just feel like He’s messing with my life. And I just feel alone and scared crying in my bed writing this.