I have felt this way from a very young age. I am talking, 5 years old. Many people who grow old and are without children have said the same thing. I do wonder why I always FELT this way because this seems to be such a frowned upon decision- I wonder if I was just made this way. At the same time, there are a long long long list of logical and fair reasons as to why one would NEVER want to go through that. Things that are so not talked about, especially in our community- but behind the curtain of this thing we call a miracle, are terrible things that happen to almost every woman during and after they are pregnant. I am a nurse. I am a very empathetic, sensitive person and I actually LOVE children, but I KNOW it is not for me and I would not be the most fit parent. The hard part is, I have always dreamed about getting married 🙂 Silly, but here I am in my 20s now and wanting so badly to date but bursting into tears when I really think about all the stress that is ahead. I am so afraid of being single for a long time. I don’t know how to even go about this cause our community barely talks about it. All I know is, there must be more jewish people out there who feel the same but don’t speak about it.
How am I even going to date? On the apps? What else? I am also a private person and don’t want to announce it on my apps for the whole community to see, but when I start dating it will be a shame cause I know one man will probably spread the word to others. It is my business, it is so personal, and a lot of people at least in my community… TALK. And having to tell my parents… I just don’t want to have kids and ruin them out of peer pressure of what others want. this is my life after all and I deserve to be HAPPY and content. I am feeling so depressed over this and I pray to Hashem that I will be able to marry someone within my religion. I hope I can meet them in my 20s. I want to grow through life with someone, I don’t want to wait years for that.
I would appreciate any opinions, any hope, anything. Thank you for reading.