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I am a bad Jew. (not the first time you will have heard this)

Obligatory ”yes I know a lot of jews will say they are bad”.

But I have done some very genuinely bad things. Not just a ‘I ate some ham’ or skipped Temple kinda bad… I feel ashamed to even say them out loud, so I don’t. I keep it between me and G-d. but I will say out loud that I am very ashamed of the person I am/was.

I am only 18, I think now is the best time, if any, to reckon with what Ive done and how G-d might view me for it. I know I have plenty of time ahead of me to work through my mistakes, but should I truly have faith I will be forgiven? I’m not a murderer or someone who hurts others, but I have done bad… does anybody believe I can truly outweigh that bad with good to a sufficient extent, and can someone please confirm that I am okay to feel afraid for the consequences of what I have done?

Because I am not certain in myself that I will be forgiven, or if I think I deserve to be. I sometimes wish I had the confidence of a bad person who doesn’t care about the evil they do… but a conscience is a good thing to have.

submitted by /u/momotive
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Source: Reditt

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