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How to relate to God when He is silent

I come from an Orthodox background, so I am turning to the internet because I can’t talk about this in real life in my community.

I have been suffering in a serious way for the last seven years. It’s a problem that impacts almost every area of life, and the kind of problem with an “easy” solution, i.e. I am not asking God for a miracle.

I was raised to believe that God is always listening and waiting to hear from me. I have cried, sobbed, begged, pleaded with God. I have bargained with God. I have poured out my soul to God. I have said all of sefer tehilim at the kosel. I have davened at Kever Rachel. I have given large amounts of money to charity. I have surrendered to God. I have believed that there is a greater plan. I have overcome character traits and asked forgiveness from others. I know that many others are praying for me as well.

But after seven years, I have become bitter. I feel like I have run dry. There is nothing to say, no sorrow to pour out to God that He has not heard from me already. I find myself unable to pray. I have begun to wonder if God even exists – have I been fooling myself all this time? If God exists, perhaps He is not listening to me at all.

How do I relate to God, and continue to believe that He exists, when He has been silent for so long? When He could so easily cease my suffering and instead it only gets worse?

submitted by /u/ancientmarmak
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Source: Reditt