My post will be more like an ask for comforting, actually, as I am drained of every emotion except pain and resentment. And I also am sorry for sentence structure errors.
I decided to convert to judaism four years ago (sadly, covid and war (i’m rssian citizen) came by and effed this plan for near future but it doesn’t matter for now). Surely, first thing I did was finding jewish communities in city and in near towns. The second was reading all the blogs and watching all the interviews of their rabbis. And that’s when I found This.
My beloved transphobia and homophobia (as well as terrible misunderstanding of intersеx issues).
I’m a trans man on hrt, I’ve got mastectomia done, and I’m in a really long-term relationship with a man. And what do this rabbis write on their public blogs (no, not their own blogs, on the communitys blogs!)? ‘Sеx change is an act against human nature’, ‘there is no way to convert a hermaphrodite (meaning: person with non-binary sеx characteristics aka intersеx people and transitioning people) because his soul would be confused as there is only female and only male in judaism’ and so on.
And this foulish words were, are everywhere. Thankfully, there is a reformist community in Moscow (i wished for masorti but i couldn’t find any not just in a city but in a whole country), but I’m not sure their rabbis are okay too and more so I’m moving with my partner in a small town just in a few years and I’m afraid local reformist community will be homotransphobic just as orthodox are.
I feel like I don’t belong and I’m starting to feel this itchy feeling and this malicious voice telling me things like ‘if they don’t want you, if they hate you, than you have no right to be jewish, because this many people can’t be wrong and so it means you are, in fact, an abomination for G-d’. I just want to belong. I just want to live without fear of being an abomination in the eyes of G-d.
submitted by /u/wwwvvvn