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How involved can I be in Judaism if I’m not Jewish?

I was raised by a formerly catholic man and an agnostic woman and generally considered myself a neutralist growing up because I believed in Hashem but also didn’t agree with Christain beliefs such as the details of the Adam and Eve story and “you know who” (my post got removed before for saying his name) being the messiah who turned water into wine and all that. When I got depressed and suicidal after some shitty stuff happening, I lost all faith in Hashem and called myself an atheist. TW for next paragraph

I attempted suicide several times and survived—the doctors say I should’ve died from my fall, but I didn’t.Looking back, I truly think it’s a miracle, that Hashem knew it wasn’t my time and did what he could to prevent it. And I’m so thankful for that. Since then my life has gotten so much better, and I found some people who really turned my life around, including my partner, Max. Max is Jewish, them and their friend Meital are the ones who got me interested in Judaism.

I did a lot of research on my own as well as reflecting on my own beliefs and I realized that my beliefs mostly align with the Torah, or at least the way I interpret the Torah (I’ve read other peoples interpretations of it, too). I realize that I wasn’t the most respectful to Hashem before despite being saved by Him, likely several times, and want to get good with Hashem. I want to do so following the Torah since that’s what my beliefs align with, but I am not Jewish and haven’t converted to Judaism yet since it’s a lengthy process and I’m only 16.

I know Judaism is a closed practice and that I can’t celebrate Jewish holidays without being Jewish myself, but can I partake in religious practices such as praying according to the Torah and wearing a kippah during prayers? What practices can and can’t I partake in?

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