All my friends are orthodox jewish. I’m secular (don’t ask my how i’m secular and they’re orthodox, we just happened to find each other).
Orthodox jews who grew up orthodox rarely experience heartbreak like secular people due to the nature of how they date. They don’t date enough to form an intense deep emotional connection to someone and then break up and experience this form of heartbreak. I’m attending a wedding of a friend who met a guy 7 times and they’re getting married. She hasn’t formed emotions like i have with a guy i dated for 8 months. For her this will come in marriage. When i asked if she’s in love she gets confused and said it will come in marriage and that she just likes him. When i said what if ill never find a guy i’ll fall in love with like with him she gets confused, and all my orthodox friends just get on a cold approach to this issue, since they don’t understand. It feels lonely. I feel like i’ve done a mistake and i should’ve done it like them.
So i’m going through an intense heartbreak and breakup. And they just can’t seem to understand, they just say things like but i guess you weren’t meant to be, just find a shadchan! Or things like i’ll see if i can find someone for you. They see it as i’ve only gone on meeting with him and he decided we weren’t a good match, but we have loved each other, and i think my love and relationship with this guy equals what they have in marriage, so they can’t understand it fully as to how i can be so attached to someone i’ve dated.
So how do i go on about this? How do i get over this guy i dated 8 months and have loved? I am becoming a baal teshuva. How do i use judaism for this? Is it even possible since this type of dating doesn’t even exist among the orthodox, can a rabbi even help me if i reach out, or will he say well why did you do this?
I hope someone understands what i’m trying to say. I feel so alone in this breakup especially in an orthodox jewish world where they can’t understand my pain or where i’m coming from.