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Having Family That Are Self Hating Jews

TLDR: So my mom is a self-hating jew to a certain extent(specifically about orthodoxy) and it’s driving me nuts.

So backstory: My mom is Jewish by blood, quite a bit of our close family was able to escape the holocaust, some by hiding in warehouses in France during the war and others by fleeing to Austria and the us. My family in the us tried to assimilate quite a lot, the older generation would still pray in Hebrew but didn’t pass it on to the next generations for example and my grandma was raised with the intent of making her a strict catholic, which didn’t really end up working as she rejected the church after a lot of trauma and has a general disdain for religion every since (mainly catholicism and Christianity). So my mom was raised without any religion (she’s a boomer), until she herself started in middle school exploring and started going with her friend to the local synagogue. My mom started dating as a teenager and shortly after married a Jewish man. Years later they ended up divorcing because he was cheating on her with a friend of theirs. My father is not Jewish whatsoever, never has been, and is deeply antisemitic. He also has been to jail for violent acts that I won’t get into and has always been very abusive to both my mother and I, especially while growing up. Growing up my mom and I would have to secretly practice to the best of our abilities, and it was off and on (we unfortunately got involved with a Christian cult for a while like before I was even double digits, but even then she would tell me that we were not like them). So now as an adult, I have embraced being Jewish. I had support from other Jewish friends growing up and was able to have a safe space to be proudly Jewish. They would teach me Hebrew, allow me to do their homework with them so I could learn, etc. I have now as an adult with my own place, started to become more and more religious. I want to be able to do all of the things I had to do secretly loudly and proudly. I don’t want to hide anymore, so I’ve begun taking multiple steps in the past years to do so and it’s brought me great joy.

Now that the backstory, which I felt was needed to understand where we both are coming from, is sumerized.

I don’t know if it’s because of having to live with an abusive antisemite for so long or what, but it’s hurtful. Most of it is around Orthodoxy, she doesn’t want me to become Orthodox under any circumstances and one of her main points is how “uncleanly they are”. And I know she wouldn’t tolerate others saying such things, but she has such a disdain for orthodox Jews it overrides it and she thinks she can say it and it hurts. Like something about me becoming more obviously and visibility Jewish makes her scared of orthodoxy and then start saying “you don’t want to be like that” or “do that”.

I was just wondering if anyone else had any experiences with a Jewish mother acting similarly or another family member acting like this. It feels very isolating sometimes, because I’m filled with so much pride for myself and for being able to finally do what I thought we had both dreamed of for so long, and now it’s like it’s being thrown back in my face. I just don’t know where I lost her along the way if that makes sense.

submitted by /u/Curiously-Kat
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Source: Reditt