To whoever reads this and replies to this, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
At the age of 23 years old, as a jewish woman (not religious, but spiritual) I am blessed to say that for most of my life, nothing bad has happened to me. But, when I turned 19 years old, everything in my life flipped upside down. I was struck with a load of terrible mental health issues, that turned me into a person I did not recognize. I started to instinctively think of the worst, and that is what usually happens. I have this gut feeling that my deeply pessimistic, negative, paranoid self, and one that has stopped praying to G-d almost entirely, is only causing more terrible things to happen to me. Or at least that is what I tell myself, because the amount of completely random health issues I have experienced the past 2 years gives me the desire to put a reason as to why all this is happening. If it were all random, I am not sure I could bear it.
I have been very angry at G-d lately. For the first time in my life, I have lost hope and don’t feel like praying to Him. When I try to, I feel guilty and frustrated because I only pray to G-d wanting a quick answer. I realized, huh, maybe the reason G-d has not answered me is because I have not put in real effort. A religious friend told me a story about how Moses begged G-d to let him in to Israel, and he just kept praying over and over for days, until G-d finally told him to stop praying, because if he prayed one more time he would have to let him in, and he really does not want Moses to go.
I feel like that story shows that if you pray enough, He will answer. I know everyone believes that he only answers and does what is needed for us, but I wholeheartedly believe that I cannot live happy if my health issues do not get resolved. I really have been fighting hard and trying to stay strong, and have hope in Hashem, but it has been 3 years of this and I can’t take it anymore. I really miss the days I felt completely healthy and not filled with anxiety from my countless forms of pain that I experience on a daily basis.
So what I am here to ask is, has anyone here experienced something that shows you G-d does answer you? Do you think praying daily makes a difference in how likely He is to answer and help you?