I (30F) have been watching a man (29M) become more and more distant and then ghost after “speaking to the family” about the fact that he had started to date me. My mother is not Jewish (Orthodox Christian from Ukraine) and so I am not Jewish according to Jewish law.
My dad is a Jew from the former Soviet Union and after becoming really interested in the culture after a Birthright trip to Israel, I studied and became conversational in Hebrew. Even before the trip, I worked at a popular Jewish newspaper that everyone in NYC knows and celebrated Jewish holidays. My grandfather’s first name is Abram and I am just under 50% Ashkenazi Jew according to 23AndMe.
But apparently, this man’s family told him that I was a “mistake” because I was not formally Jewish and it looks like he is largely listening to them.
I am hurting because I was starting to develop feelings for him and have never really needed anyone else’s approval to feel close to Jewish culture. Our relationship did not get far enough to approach the topic of conversion but I think I’d be against it because I would feel like I’m doing it for him and not for me (I already know that I’m a part of the Jewish people and would not want to go through a complicated process and then still live a secular life to prove it.)
Are he and his family intolerant? Or am I missing something?
QUICK CONTEXTUAL EDIT: No, we are not talking about a deeply observant person. We are talking about a person who eats pork like no tomorrow and goes to synagogue exclusively for holidays but whose family suddenly got worried about “the hypothetical kids” (that I would want to raise knowing their connection to Jewish culture whether I intermarry or not.)