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Guarding one’s eyes feels unreasonable if not impossible. Suggestions/advice?

This is a followup/addendum to my previous post on this account, which may be found here. While the question was ultimately about what the most acceptable of a few options were, the overwhelming response via comments was advice on how to stop all such actions entirlely. I determined to do so.

It worked, ish. Since I posted the previous, I have refrained from looking at any NSFW online pictures (intentionally – innocuous links and all that). I attempted to stop all… actions, as it were, but have only partly succeeded, in no small part because of serious anxiety and stress from other, completely unrelated life things I am working on. I was suggested the website GuardYourEyes, but ultimately everything I did was sheer will and help from Hashem.

But despite that, I can’t stop thoughts. Last night I was impossibly stressed and upset, barely able to think, and the only thing I could do to calm down was thoughts. Meanwhile, Mesilas Yesharim, which I am studying right now, is impressing with extreme conviction that this is horribly wrong – even looking at woman’s pinky is wrong. Even thinking of looking at a woman’s pinky is a heinous sin. It’s this impossible request that could never be lived up to and each moment is clearly demonstrating my rasha-ness, for lack of a better term. I don’t understand how these expectations are even possible.

I guess what makes this different from other stringencies I have taken upon myself is why and how. Becoming shomer shabbos, keeping kosher, praying three times a day, all felt right. They weren’t always easy but I knew I wanted to do them, and they felt right. This doesn’t feel right. This just feels guilt-inducing and on occasion literally physically painful (yes, I mean the precisely literal definition of those words. It has on occasion literally hurt.)

I can rationalize on some level things like “Well, these were under the expectation that you’d be married at 18. You’re years beyond that and unmarried, and likely to remain that way for a decade longer at least, so you can’t be expected to reach the same level under these different circumstances.” Or “If it’s getting in the way as much as it is, then it may be a worthwhile aveira if it allows you to do other mitzvos better”. Or, “You completely stopped looking at porn. That’s the most important part. The rest is not so big a deal.” Or, or, or, but even though I know it’s all the yetzer ha-ra, on some level I just don’t care because it is bringing such a massive amount of undue stress and frustration. I feel lost and unsure what to do at this point.

I don’t know if anyone here has anything to say, but if you have suggestions or advice, I’d appreciate it. Thanks.

P:S: Before I posted this (I write long posts in files on my computer and copy/paste them into Reddit, sometimes hours later as in this case) I was glancing at someone’s post asking about how to deal with niddah restrictions and one person noted the possibility of sex compulsion. I don’t think I have that. I have relatively little difficulty going several days or a week plus without… sigh, I guess I should just use the terms even if they feel humiliating… without wasting seed. I don’t actually know what amount is normal or healthy, though I do know halakhically the answer is “more than none” in my case, but the longest period I went without any error since I made the initial post was 20-some days, and meanwhile school is keeping me right now more anxious than I think I have ever felt in my life and will continue to do so for the next week or so, which obviously doesn’t help. If this screams to you “You need serious mental assistance”, I will listen, but I say with reasonable confidence that I’m okay, just anxious and stressed beyond reason for things unrelated to this.

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