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Generally confused

I will try to make it short (and sorry for my bad English):

My father is a sephardic jew from iran and came to Germany in the 1960s when he was in his 20s. He had many relationships with non jewish women and didnt care about religion that much. in his 40s he wanted to have children suddenly and met my non jewish mum. I was their firet child and I was circumcised and we lived like a secular jewish family, went to the synagogue etc. My mother was close to giur but my parents divorced when I was 7.

The jewish traditions then kind of disappeared from our family…we had other Problems and my childhood wasnt that happy, but thats not the case right now and of course I dont blame anyone for that.

I had a more intensive time when I was around 13, made giur and had a Bar Mitzvah also. It also was a confusing time for me.

The jewish identity never really left me and my mind but I lived a life mostly without it. I kept some basic traditions but thats all.

Years after that I met my non jewish wife and we have a daughter which is 2 years old.

My wifes pregnant again and it will be a girl once again.

And I got to be honest, I was scared about it being a boy before we knew the sex. What will I gonna do about circumsission, I think I couldnt bare doing nothing, but on the other hand it would be so wrong to change his life instantly and make it as confusing as mine. (My wife told me she would be alright about it, but its not about her or me…its about him.)

Maybe we will get a third child and I dont know how to feel about it if it would be a boy. I feel ashamed that I was relieved that it will be a girl.

I know that judaism will kinda leave me and my family…but it feels horrible. What can I do to lose my fear.

submitted by /u/Auxvino
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Source: Reditt