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Feeling lost, not sure where to go next

(I apologize in advance for posting on Shabbos so I imagine I may not get many answers until later this evening. )

For the sake of lineage on both sides of my family and Jewish law, there is absolutely zero question of me being Jewish. That said, I was raised with very little of the religion itself. The extent of it was my parents lighting memorial candles for Yom Kippur for their parents and the handful of times my grandparents did passover or chanukkah in their home. Add in a few bar and bat mitzvahs of extended family and the fact my grandparents lived near Borough Park and that was the extent of my exposure to being Jewish.

From my teen years to as much as recent, I struggled to believe that any higher power exists whether we’re talking God or (in the times I tried Pagan practices) multiple deities. None of it seems like it’s correct for me I guess? The only things that really seem to stuck from trying Paganism is my usage of tarot and oracles, and even then I use it for psychological insight or daily mindfulness, not fortune telling.

Lately I feel pulled more and more towards my Jewish roots in the spiritual sense and I’m not sure how to really approach that and from which type of Jewish lens. I went to an LGBTQ Shabbat event maybe 2 years ago locally at a Conservative congregation. It was okay I guess but I felt like an outsider and was pretty confused through services since A)never sat in on a service before B)don’t know hebrew at all. C)i know next to nothing about the Torah.

Thing is, I have no idea where to even begin and it feels overwhelming in my late 30s to start from scratch. From what I’ve been able to determine so far, I have mixed feelings about giving up my tarot/oracle cards, even though again I don’t use it to divine anything and on top of that, I’ve been using tarot in particular less and less. I do like the idea of Jewitches though. I’m in interested in learning Hebrew and or Yiddish at some point. I love learning about anything related to Ashkenazi history, customs, etc. Thing is I also want a sense of community and I’m not sure where to seek that out in person.

With more religious related customs, beyond beginning to acknowledge my dad’s death at Yom Kippur, I’m not sure realistically what else I would stick to doing consistently after never doing so before in life.

But yeah if you read this far, thank you so much and I appreciate any advice you guys have. I’ve been having these thoughts for a while and wondering what to do next and who to turn to for this advice.

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