The date of conversion is getting closer and closer now that the class is almost over. I had a good conversation with the rabbi last week and shared with him a lot of the questions and doubts that I struggled with since the last time we have one on one meeting. He said that in ‘liberal denominations’ I will be welcomed 100%, outside of that, he can’t guarantee.
The one thing I forgot to ask is the imposter syndrome that I struggle with. Even at work, no matter how good I’m doing, I often feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, that I’m behind everyone else and I don’t belong where I am. Now I imagine that syndrome will carry on to when I go to the synagogues, attend festivals, and even practice everyday Jewish rituals. The best term to describe what I’m talking about is the feeling of “culturally appropriating” Judaism.
Did anyone who converted to Judaism feel that at the beginning? That things as simple as lighting Shabbat candles feel like you’re doing something you’re not fully “permitted” to do? And how did you get over it?