First, thank you for reading this.
I have felt the need to convert for quite some time now. I’ve read books, listened to podcasts, talking with rabbis, attended the local synagogue, and done SO MUCH soul searching and prayer. I haven’t hidden any of this from my husband. I think maybe he thought I was just curious of a different religion and culture and didn’t think too much of it.
I recently told him that I’d like to meet with a rabbi with him to discuss the possibility of me converting and what that would mean for us as a family. He tells me, after days of not really speaking about it, that he feels betrayed and like he’s suddenly on this path by himself. He says that he’s felt closer to God and stronger in his faith than ever before and much of that has to do with our relationship and my example. He also says he would feel this way if it was any other religion that I was debating converting to so I don’t think it’s an unspoken prejudice against Jews.
We currently go to a Lutheran church, because it’s all we’ve ever known. He got baptized this summer, which was the first adult baptism for out pastor. We’ve been pretty active in this church, for me it’s mostly because it’s a fantastic group of people that go there. I also go to church because it’s become a family activity but I don’t participate in the Nicean creed, most of the hymns unless they leave out Jesus, or any of the prayers.
I truly feel like my soul needs to “come home” to Judaism but I could be content (I guess?) leading a Noahide lifestyle. Help me, r/Judaism, do I push the issue of me converting and risk upsetting my husband more or silently worship God in a way that I feel is right and do the bare minimum at church?