Feel very conflicted on reaching out to the one person I’ve truly wronged this year

Shalom L’Shanah Tovah,

I’ll try to keep this super short, but as the new year approaches and we are to seek forgiveness and atonement I’m really struggling this year more than most.

Essentially, the one person who I have genuinely and admittedly been cruel to this year is my ex bf. We ended things absolutely horribly, speaking awful to each other and doing spiteful and vengeful things to each other for the few months following our breakup. We don’t speak at all anymore and we’ve hurt each other very badly.

I am conflicted, extremely, on whether or not I should reach out and apologize for the horrible things I did to him. On one hand, this is what Rosh Hashanah is for, but on the other I don’t know if it would just make things worse to reestablish contact after so much hurt and vitriol has come between us.

I’ve never felt this before and I’m not sure what I should do. This is probably the first and only person I feel I’ve actually sought out to cause pain and hurt to, and I’m not sure if even an apology would be well received or if it would be a bad idea.

Have any of you been in a similar situation, what did you decide?