To start: I am 23M. All summer, I have been praying and asking God for guidance for my future, and I think He answered. The way He answered was by taking away everything I could have had a future for.
In only the past two weeks, a lot has happened at once. I was turned down for a major career opportunity after working the same soul-crushing job for 3 years. My significant other, who I loved (still do) more than anyone in the world, and really thought I would marry, broke up with me in a single paragraph over text after no fights, no warnings, and no reason given. Then, to top it all off, I was just diagnosed with a cancer that normally affects people three times my age.
This isn’t the first time God has answered my prayers this way. Six years ago, I was an excellent student in high school. My GPA was over 4.0, I had fantastic SAT scores, and lots of achievement in extracirriculars. I applied to 10 colleges, and asked God to help me find my way. Turns out, I was rejected from every college I applied to, including state schools.
I knew then that God didn’t plan for me to have a future. I was going to kill myself, but my therapist talked me out of it. Now, years later, God is telling me the same thing again. I have already overstayed my welcome on Earth. God was telling me it was time to go when I was 18. I should have listened then.
Does God plan for some people to have short lives and no future? Am I supposed to die so the grief can play a part in some other, more important person’s journey? Or am I just a mistake God wants to get rid of ASAP?