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Crisis of faith

I’m having a horrible crisis of faith. I converted when I was a young adult and am now in my 30s. I was raised Reform with a Jewish dad and non-Jewish mother.

I got really involved in Torah Judaism and went to yeshiva and got semicha. I started working in hashgacha and then chevra kadisha. Sadly, I was defamed greatly. People saying I’m not a Jew and not a rabbi. My semichos are signed by orthodox authorities.

I feel just so disillusioned. The people are horrible towards me. I haven’t found a chevra of good people. I have a part time shul in an aging shul. I’m not eligible to join the RCA but belong to another Orthodox rabbinical organization. I feel like there’s just no opportunity. I hit brick walls. And I’m starting to unravel. My emunah is not strong enough to withstand these assaults on me and my character.

I can’t grow the chevra kadisha business because most funeral homes are content using others who don’t provide kosher services (putting bodies in wrong caskets, using only 2 people for a tahara instead of 4, etc.) My competitors aren’t even really frum. One guy lies about having semicha. And nobody cares when I try to raise awareness. I feel like I’m being constantly punished for doing the right thing. I feel that Orthodox priorities are misguided. I feel constantly disrespected and that there was no point to doing this. Reform rabbis seem to get a lot of respect. I don’t know what to do. I carry a lot of religious trauma and spiritual abuse around. I don’t know where to turn to.

submitted by /u/Acceptable-Strain-72
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Source: Reditt