I am a lesbian woman who wants to convert to Orthodox Judaism. I am not in a relationship with a woman or anyone else for that matter, and I am very set on Orthodoxy as my goal.
Background: I converted to Conservative Judaism while in college, and after a few years of participating in the Conservative community, I realized that I am not satisfied with the level of observance and adherence to both halakha and tradition here and wish to formally convert to being an Orthodox Jew. The only problem I have is whether or not I will be able to accepted as a conversion candidate when everyone who knows me in the Jewish community here already knows that I am a lesbian. The Conservative stance on homosexuality that my shul officially holds is that female homosexuality is acceptable and male homosexuality is acceptable to a degree (only one specific act is forbidden, and is yehareg ve’al ya’avo). I know the Orthodox stance forbids female homosexuality as well as male, and I am completely willing to abstain from having intimate relationships with other women for the rest of my life, but I think it would be detrimental to my mental health if I were to have to marry a man. Besides being openly gay, I’m not sure if an Orthodox rabbi would sponsor me for a conversion if I am unwilling to fulfill the mitzvah of marriage.
So my question is, how do I tackle this?