So my boyfriend and I are from two different cultures, I am European and he is Israeli, he is Jewish and I am not. We get along well when it is just the two of us and parts of his family, but I am really introverted and it is I think mainly due to being from Switzerland always being a bit more quiet and very people pleasing too because in Switzerland we tend to really conform to what other people expect of us. In comparison his family and culture is really loud and they dont really care so much about the opinion of others which is great but it also leaves me at times a bit overwhelmed because they talk so much and I feel like I dont have much to offer.
Yesterday my boyfriend took me out on a Shabbat dinner and his friends house, we are living in Texas and the community he is in is full of Israelis and a few Americans but mostly Sephardic Israelis. I just felt for the beginning that I dont fit with his friends AT ALL. And I am not being racist here or anything but when you know you know, it is more about how the friends are and I am sure that with the same type of people in Switzerland I also wouldnt get along well, so it is just me not fitting in. They spoke Hebrew the whole evening and of course I do not understand anything so I was just sitting there and not understanding one thing they said at diner and just feeling awful that I could not show them my personality and I felt like I was embarrassing my boyfriend for not adding to the conversation. I also felt that he also did not really like the atmosphere and also did not talk a lot, but hey, at least he knows these people and probably just wanted to socialize. They told each other one joke after the other and the conversation topics switched really quickly and I am more the type of woman who is a bit more serious, deep and likes to listen more than talking about jokes etc.
I had this problem now at several Shabat dinners and parties with his friends plus his brother. The last party we have been to they also only spoke Hebrew and I was sitting there not being able to contribute. There are 1-2 people in his community and synagogue I do get along well with and otherwise I am just sitting there not having anything in common with them.
When we came home I started to burst into tears and my boyfriend took it personally. He asked me if I am bipolar because I was so sad about the situation, he did not understand me and I did not want to offend him or his friends because they are good people and there is nothing wrong with them, its just me being different from them and it is triggering me because I was bullied in school and never really fitted in.
Should I break up with him if the cultural difference is too much? I also thought about maybe finding my own Jewish community but it seems to be hard to find a Jewish community where I feel accepted…