Hi all– this is my first post here and it’s a crosspost from a wedding planning sub, but I’m really getting in my head and would love some thoughts from the community!
Short version: I can’t decide whether or not to end the ceremony with the Jewish tradition of breaking a glass.
Long version is that my future wife and I (both women) are not religious ourselves or from strongly religious families, but her background is Christian and my mother’s side is Jewish. I grew up celebrating Jewish holidays with my mom’s side of the family and Christian with my dad’s, but we never attended services at a synagogue OR church. I did not have a bat mitzvah (this is something I feel complicated about). Still, growing up in an extremely Christian town (and like, American culture), it has always been relevant that I am not Christian. My brother and I have always joked that we’re “emphasis on the -ish,” meaning we are Jewish, but we’re not really involved in the broader community or institutions.
The wedding part is that I have been really getting worked up about whether or not to incorporate the tradition of breaking the glass at the end of our ceremony. We are signing a ketubah and getting married under the venue’ chuppah, but we don’t have a rabbi involved anywhere or have any other specifically Jewish features in the process. (And the chuppah kind of just looks like an arbor anyway, I’m pretty sure plenty of non-Jewish weddings have happened under it.) I just feel stressed like I’m claiming something that isn’t mine, and also defensive about the fact that it is mine. My fiancee wants to support me with whatever I decide to do and is totally open to bringing in any and all Jewish features, but she (I think fairly!) doesn’t want to make the call in either direction.
I’m really finding it difficult to make this decision, and I think probably I’m putting a lot of broader complicated feelings about my relationship with and “claim to” Judaism than the one act warrants. Has anyone else had a complicated experience with their Judaism and wedding planning? Thank you for any input.
submitted by /u/peakvincent