Sorry this is really long, just a warning 😂
I was ffb, and I always struggled with the idea of god in High school – I just didn’t like the way religious people seemed to have elitism, and the way pple looked down on Gay Jews.
I got married at 20 while I was religious, and we didn’t date shomer – she was my first gf I ever did anything with and I really appreciated that she was my first.
During the marriage, I became athiest, but I always was talking to rabbis about my issues with Judaism and trying to find answers that I was comfortable with. I just couldn’t find anything that made me feel comfortable
After the divorce, I was broken. I found peace and love through Buddhist ideas, talking with rabbis, Hindu gurus, and many other sources.
I moved to Israel and I found an amazing friend group and made tons of new friends. It’s honestly a miracle how well things worked out. I feel so blessed and loved – there HAS to be a God.
I believe that Hashem created ALL religions as means to connecting to him, and we the Jewish people have a special connection with him and the Torah.
I have been praying everyday and putting on tefflin for the past 3 months, and I’m excited everyday to do it! I never ONCE felt like this all my life.
I have fallen in love with being religious like I never have before! I’m so happy with the relationship I am building with God – I see the beauty in all the mitzvot and the traditions that chazal made for us.
I feel like hashem needed me to expirance the divorce and the pain so I would find my own individual path towards him. I’m grateful that it happened, and I’m happy with the amount of growth I have done after the divorce.
Here’s my problem – it’s been 6 months since the divorce, and I feel like I have really grieved the relationship, and I understand what part I played in the ending of the marriage, I understand that I made alot of mistakes and I have taken steps to rectify those mistakes
I want to start dating, because I want to create and beautiful family that practices Judaism, but understands that every human was created in god’s image – and even non Jews have a connection to hashem, and we shouldnt look down on them, or anyone who is different from us
The thing is, I think I want to date Shomer, because I really like how serious everyone takes those dates. I want to make sure that me and my next wife have that intellectual and emotional connection before we bring the physical to the table
I have a few concerns, 1) is it possible to date Shomer and then not have good sexual chemistry? I would hate it if I married a women who I loved for everything she had inside her soul, but we didn’t connect sexually, sexual chemistry is an important part of a marriage
2) I know Shomer dating is usually pretty fast-paced, like 4-6 months – so I am scared that I may not “know” her well enough after those months, especially after being divorced, it’s scary to jump into a marriage after such little time ( I dated my ex for 2 years before we got married)
3) although I feel ready to date, Im only 6 months post divorce – so if I met someone amazing and we did date Shomer, we would be married only a little after a year after my divorce – that feels too soon but idk.
I am thinking that maybe I should not date Shomer, and maybe save one sex for marriage , while accepting cuddling/handholding/kissing while we date. That way I can date the women for a longer time, while keeping the sexual intamacy lower.
Open to any thoughts or advice, I really want my next marriage to be done right, and in the way that hashem wants it to be done, but I want to feel like I am being responsible and not rushing into anything because I want to start a family.
Thanks for reading if you made it to the end!
I’m 24M btw