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Any scholar willing to help with my struggles with the faith?

Any scholars or devout yid or any other person interested in DMing me? Here’s the situation.

Conservative Jew, until recently. Studied too much, had issues with rabbinic stuff that was unsettling. Had issues with Torah stuff. Normal things like that that I’m sure many go through.

Consequentially I don’t believe. I don’t believe Hashem is really running the show… there’s more to it I could explain later.

I love liturgy so much, but I don’t believe Hashem ever truly commanded us or sanctified us. I loved reading Torah, but I don’t believe it’s the real deal. I loved donning tzitziyot, wrapping tefillin and davening, but it means nothing because the best I can know is that Men made up all those things.

Where I stand right now is I believe in Ein Sof. But I believe the history of Judaism being much like the Canaanite systems with Henotheistic tendencies as supported by scholarship and archaeology. I desperately wish I could go back, but I can’t. I can’t buy into it or the moral problems within.

Idk what to do about it or if anything really needs to be done with it.

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