Am I violating Lashon Hara and Kibud Ava’aim?

Is it wrong halachically that I sometimes talk about my mother behind her back because she was an abusive parent? I’m worried that it might be a violation of kibud ava’aim that I do this but I justify it in my head with my opinion that Hashem intended kibud ava’aim to be a reciprocal relationship. I also worry that this might be lashon Hara because she used to beg me to never tell anybody outside the immediate family when child protective services would interview me about her actions, which clearly indicates that this is something she does not want known to anybody else, but given these circumstances is it wrong from a Jewish perspective? It just feels so cathartic to vent to my friends and online about things that have happened to me, and given that I’m only sixteen and still legally under her guardianship, it also makes me feel safer to let my friends know that this is happening for the reason that I know that I will know have a place to go to if things get really bad again. But I feel really morally conflicted about doing so for these halachic reasons.