Ok….so I got let go of my job several weeks back. Lots of factors involved, but it was sudden and caught me completely off guard. I’ve been relocating to various places the past 5 years or so to follow my career ambitions (see name)…and I’m at the point (turning 34 this month) where I want to start slowing down a bit in life.
I’m traditional and don’t keep Shabbat, but finding someone Jewish and raising a Jewish family is very important to me. It’s…..not been easy finding someone in the cities I’ve moved to. It’s not there aren’t any Jews, but the dating scene is very clicky for those that are openly Jewish….and most Jews hide that they are even on the apps. I end up dating non-Jews that I end up breaking up with them…so I stopped dating last few months. And I stopped going to YJP events because it was the same rolodex of 40ish people who keep going there (of which I’ve went out with >5 and it’s awkward going back).
From NYC originally and I also have several friends and most of my family in the city…so dating is NOT ONLY the reason to move back…but I’m ngl that it’s the big kauna. Moving is a PITA and I’ve been moving to a new city every year for the past 5 years at this point.
I also stumbled somehow into a contract role where, should I succeed and we don’t part ways (there’s a 30 day clause for both sides) could easily be a fully employed role that ends up being a title promotion. Likely the responsibilities of a title even above that since they’re significantly short-staffed. It’s also not a two bit company: I’m on a huge brand (the biggest in my career in fact from a $ sales standpoint) in the industry I want to enter long-term that just lucked into a very odd position of being right place, right time. Work-life balance though will be dreadful…
I’m still interviewing for fully employed work (and the company is aware) with 2 final rounds this week. Both are in tristate (one CT, one NJ – both in person only once per week). Neither is a promotion from my past company. Neither offer relo. Both pay identically to my last job.
Am I crazy though from walking away from a unique situation primarily to focus on finding my soul mate? I know NYC has just so many dating options for Jewish, and I think if I just go out enough and use apps I’ll find someone in no time. Maybe I’m being very rose tinted….but I’m not a bad looking guy.
Am I being rose tinted though? I keep telling myself that the reason I didn’t have a ton of success when I was in NYC was because I was too young (27) in a city where most people don’t settle down until their 30s, and I was significantly overweight/unappealing physically. I know that part is 100% true, but I’m making a big life decision off that assumption that things will just workout this time just because I look a lot better than I used to.
I guess I’m asking multiple questions in this thread:
– Is the dating scene as a mid-30s guy for Jewish much better in NYC vs elsewhere in the country or are people equally picky and indecisive because of the quantity so it’s a wash? OR is being in a better title and paid job (120 vs 160k) enough of a ‘status boost’ for a dating perspective that it’s a wash? Or potentially a turn-off because of all the hours I would put in?
– Should a Jew make every effort possible, no matter how difficult or if it stunts your career a bit, to find someone Jewish? Probably a dumb question in this subreddit lol