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advice on improving relationship w G-d

hey y’all…i need some help here tbh. my relationship w G-d is complicated and i have complicated feelings about Him. i’ve always struggled with keeping a good relationship w him. i struggle to let go of feelings of irritation. im irritated that he’s never been very nurturing or crazy involved. it’s like he healed the diaphragmatic hernia i was born with and then was like “that was a lot, im done now”. He doesn’t feel like love to me. He feels cold. it’s frustrating to me because everyone i know yaps about how their relationship with Him is essentially the opposite of mine with Him. why can’t he be nurturing and loving with me? why won’t he show up how i need him to? it honestly kinda makes me mad to be honest cause it’s not fair. it’s not fair because i literally want so bad to have a good relationship with G-d. i beg Him to show up and when He does He just feels distant and cold. Like He’s mad at me. I’m sure He is though. Because I don’t have a good relationship with Him, i tend to put other things essentially above him by filling time that i should spend with him but it’s hard because i get the feelings i wish i got from G-d from the other stuff i spend my time on. i put other relationships above him. ones i know that aren’t good for me but give me the loving feeling i want from him. i know the solution is to stop basically committing freaking idolatry by putting anything and everything above Him but i don’t want to lose the feelings i get from everything else because those are the feelings that i want to get from G-d. I just want to feel loved by HaShem but he constantly feels pissed off at me and just so cold. there’s been a few times where i did pray with Him and actually felt His presence feel loving rather than cold but it was only a few times. i chase after that high and want it back but i don’t know what i was doing right then. i’m honestly so lost. this might sound ridiculous but how do i bond with G-d? is it stupid to want to ask Him if He can be more involved and more loving? i just wish G-d was nurturing and loving with me like He is with others. anyways, thanks for reading my yapping session. thank you in advance for your help and advice.

tldr: how do i bond w G-d??

submitted by /u/balkanbhaddie
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Source: Reditt