Hi all, I got divorced 6 months ago and I have been working on myself through the process, while I was married – I struggled mightily with belief in Hashem. I always loved keeping the laws and practices, but I just couldn’t get the logical side of me to accept that there was a god.
Since my divorce, I feel like I have been truly blessed by Hashem. I moved to Israel and made a beautiful new friend group, and things have just been clicking into place WAY too easily and I can’t help but see hashems hand in it. It’s totally not logical, and totally emotional – and I never had this kind of faith before. It’s really great to really BELIEVE
I was ffb and it’s been really good for me to actively choose to become more religious, and to actively choose to make brachas, put on tefflin , keep kosher etc.
I have been thinking about what I want in a new marriage, and what kind of family I want to raise. And I want to raise a family that truly believes that every person has their own personal connection and journey to Hashem. And that Hashem created all religions as a means to connect to him in a different way ( not necessarily that all religions are “Correct” but that all religions were created by god, and all humans are created in god’s image)
Here is my issue, I know I am not ready for marriage yet, I’m still working on myself in alot of ways, but especially religiously – but I miss having that emotional connection with someone , and the physical connection as well.
I have only hooked up with my ex-wife, she was my first and only gf. I have an urge to at least hookup with someone, or date someone for fun – but at the same time I feel like it would be really nice if the next girl I hooked up with would be my second wife, I really do like the idea of Shomer negiah and I believe that sex is very emotional for me more than physical
Is waiting worth it? Is it really better to hold off hooking up until I’m married again? I really feel like I would enjoy at least hooking up with a future gf, but I’m terrified of building a physical/emotional bond with someone and then losing it again. I was really really happy that I only had sex with my ex-wife, but now I feel like I already “broke the seal” so does it really matter if I hookup more before I get married in the future?
I don’t even want a one night stand, I want to find a nice girl and just cuddle and enjoy eachother’s company, and maybe more. Or should I just be more strong willed and decide that I’m only going to hookup with my second wife?
Sorry if this was confusing, pls send any thoughts or advice my way 🙂