A Question about Genetic Testing being half Ashkenazi Jewish.

Hi, so, uh, I’ve been lurking on this subreddit for a month or so. But now I’ve finally worked up the courage to post this here. So, here it goes.

I’m half Ashkenazi Jew on my mam’s side. We have roots in Poland, Ukraine, Romania, Latvia, and Russia according to the DNA test I took a while back. And there’s a good chance I carry the mutated cancer gene, seeing as my aunt (mam’s sister) has had breast cancer twice (she’s thankfully in remission for ten years now), my Holocaust Survivor of a grandmother actually died of breast cancer in 2016 (it had metastasised to her brain, there was nothing we could do at that point), and my cousin, who I am very close to, she’s like a sister to me, has had breast cancer and was diagnosed three years ago. She is thankfully in remission also.

Here’s my problem, my mam, my aunt, my cousin are all harking on me to get tested for the gene. I know I should. I thankfully live in a country where there is socialised healthcare, so I know there won’t be an out-of-pocket cost, however, I’m terrified to find out. The thought of knowing for certain that there’s a good chance that I could carry the gene is absolutely terrifying to me. I know I don’t want kids, so I know there won’t be passing on the gene on my side. But I’m absolutely terrified. There are no words to describe how terrified I am to actually go through it.

If anyone who is or was in the same position as I am can give me some advice, it would be greatly appreciated. Because I am completely terrified of doing this.